Posted: 11 months ago

This morning, driving home from the YMCA and our workout, Anne told me about a woman that she met in ‘water arobics’ exercises, a PhD in Nursing. Anne was a nurse for over 45 years until as she says, she retired in 2000, but as I have learned, nurses, like museum administrators, priests, artists, dancers, writers, party planners, etc. never really retired. Earlier, I had waited in the car as those two talked about modern nursing. One of the things that this professor of nursing told Anne was: “One of the major problems we are learning in teaching young nurses is to forget the computer (which is wheeled in front of a patient when a discussion of the disease is needed). It is the first thing that the new nurse learns to do. And what are lost are people skills. You can learn technology and how to use but….” Anne told her about one of my mantras for teaching: “Student do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” The PhD lady said: “The same is true in any profession.”

The PhD nursing professor told Anne that much of the people skills of getting to know the humanity of the patient are being lost today. She told of a guest speaker who said, “The first thing that any nurse should do when seeing a patient for the first time is get rid of the stethoscope and the computer.” He then went on to demonstrate how much you can learn from talking to a patient (by having a student come up and just discussing the day, feelings and family history). Then he picked up his stethoscope and showed how that could back up the human skills that he had demonstrated and what he had already learned. The students were surprised how much he learned by just talking.

Therefore, let us open a forum sharing experience on ‘people skills’: what some of us have learned about this tool, which has been the hallmark of all great leaders, explorers, and successful businessmen. Certainly people skills are the keystone for any ‘Rotary fellowship’. Let me begin by telling you my early lessons: Growing up on the inner city streets of Pittsburgh taught me many people skills but my Father’s interpretation taught me more. My father who went only to the tenth grade was a wise ‘street smart’ man and he told me: “Learn the difference between being a con artist and a hustler. A con artist always tells you more than they can do; a hustler never tells you all that they can do. Be a hustler! When making first contact, hold something back.” When I went to college, he said: “I have never been there so you are on your own, but when you get there, learn to meet people and situations. That will hold you in good with those that you meet from different parts of the world and will help your studies too.” Those are ‘people skill’ lessons that can still be used in our Rotary eClub.

Let us share our ‘people skill’ lessons so that we all can grow, and so we learn ‘service above self’ (and not ‘self above service’-which in rare instants we need too). Share a story about learning a people skill. I learned one just yesterday when one of our members said: “Rotary is the balance in my life; it is not my life.” It is an important ‘people skill’ to know the difference.

Posted: 11 months ago

Hello!

"People skills"!!! I think that a smile, a genuine smile is the first "sesame" to meet somebody...and to inspire people to know each other...When I was working in Kibera ( the largest slum in Nairobi) every monday , at first, I did not learn any swahili words and I couln't communicate with people ...but I smiled...they talked to me , they showed me what they were doing, children  took me by the hand...we walked together on the tracks, I kicked a ball, I moved the pawns of those who were playing checkers with bottle caps and we laughted together...then I learned some swahili words and they seemed proud of me! And they waited for me every monday...I became their friend...and they are my friends...If I go back tomorrow, they will remember me (the french lady!) ...They taught me that even when we have nothing we can smile...and have friends...and be happy.

Posted: 11 months ago

Since I wrote that first entry, I have thought about some things that I said there. Leaving Pittsburgh for Dartmouth College (the first in our family tree to go to college), it was through the mantra: "Winning isn't everything; it is the only thing." I still slip into that when playing games against myself on the computer or playing cards for money, but mostly it has slipped away. Two reasons: One is that I got to talk to Robert Frost and find out that he writes poetry with holes in the poems so that people universally can put themselves into his work; and the second is a lesson I learned from my son, Christopher, who is mentally disabled, but physically strong; therefore he could run fast in Special Olympics. When he was running in the the Regional Finals, I told him: "Christopher, I will stand on the final straight-away, near the finish line, and yell, "Run, Chris, Run. Win, Chris, Win." And I did. He was at least ten yards in front of other Special Olympic friends who had he had beaten all year. He stopped a little before the finish line, took their hands and the four of them cross together. Some said that no one won, but I knew that they all had. From that point on, I did all my business so that it was "win-win", not "win-lose." I tell people what Martha Graham, the great American dancer and teacher, told her students: "I am only in competition with that person I know I can become."

I told that to one of my eClub friends, Ryofu in Japan when he came to visit me at my college here in Texas, and he said: "I am not even in competition with myself. I empty myself and allow the universe to rush in." It is a people skill that I am still learning. Sometimes it works for me: I leave myself open to the void in the world and allow my creative mind free to fill it and sometimes it does and I know what Ryofu meant. But many times, I slip back into competing against my 'better self' (and that works too). Learning people skills (especially when you are 'the people') is not easy. When I slip up, I write to Ryofu or Judy Taunt (two of my heros in this way of thinking) and they help.